Worse still, this simple, thoughtless, and totally socially acceptable lie is a two way gaslight:

It disconnects you from your truth, and it tells the other person that their accurate instincts are wrong. Which really doesn't sound fine to me at all.

*

We come by this honestly — we all do it, because we don't want to "bother" people with our feelings, we don't know what we're feeling or how to share it, and we fear being rejected in our self-expression.

I want us to do away with it honestly too.

*

How about one of these more truthy alternatives?

"No, I'm not fine — I'm ______."

"I'm not fine, but I'm not ready to talk about it."

"I don't know."

"I feel uncomfortable."

"I don't know what I feel but I don't feel good."

"I have to go."

"I need a minute."

"Thank you for asking; I don't feel like connecting right now."

You can even ignore the question entirely and just move on with the rest of the conversation — anything is better than hiding behind this well intended but detrimental lie.

It's okay to not be fine. It's okay to not know what you want or how you feel, and it's okay to take your time.

❤️
- S