Two VERY important distinctions:

1) deep truth is what's needed here

and

2) these truths need to be expressed, but not necessarily to your partner.

*

There are many truths, and many layers to truth.

A good rule of thumb is that OWNING a feeling will be truer than pointing out the feeling's apparent cause.

It's also worthwhile to go deeper — to excavate the feeling to see what's underneath it, and what's underneath that, and so on.

For example:

Your partner did an irritating thing. This apparent cause is "true".

The deeper truth is that you feel irritated — plain & simple — and now you have to manage the physiological and relational symptoms of that irritation. That's (the beginning of) ownership.

Deeper still, and you might discover the irritation itself is a symptom of grander resentments or fears -- of inadequacy, loss or possible abandonment; of disrespect, lack of love or fundamental misunderstanding.

Some of these should be expressed and processed with your partner, and some should be worked through as part of your own process, with your own support system.

Remember: your partner is not your therapist, nor are they here for your validation.

*

You honour your connection and give it energy by bringing your fire, your deep truth & your willingness to connect.

To be clear, this means not caretaking feelings or padding your message with fluff and needless diplomacy.

If your truth is fiery, be fiery. If you can't connect with your fire, then you have work to do — irritation is a sure sign there's fire in there somewhere.

And fire is life.

Truth is why we're here, doing the work toward conscious relationship.

If you're stuck, you know the way out is through — and the most direct path is to be honest and open with yourself and your partner.

❤️
- S