Listen to Understand
I used to write lists of things to talk about on dates. Or if I was hanging out with someone I didn't know very well.
Because what if we ran out of things to talk about?
What if I had nothing interesting to say?
What if I had no useful thoughts?
These were symptoms of the distrust I had for myself, and a lack of self-respect.
I couldn't trust myself to be present to a person or a conversation — I was too stuck in my mind, trying to come across a certain way, worrying about being liked, needing to blurt every interesting thought as it arose whether the timing was right or not (usually not).
It was an internal Stephy show, not a conversation.
I remember making a conscious choice to simply listen — to listen deeply, and to STOP thinking. To stop planning a response. To trust my ability to respond when a response was called for.
So I got in my body and tried just being present and curious.
To my delight, I discovered that conversation flows easily when I get out of the way. My mind is free to process actual data and remember it — which makes everything about the conversation better. Ditto for the relationship.
En Vogue got it so right: "Free your mind and the rest will follow".
If you want to hear more clearly, or be more present in the presence of others, this is work you can do too.
My usual prescriptions apply — meditation and shadow work. Take two and call me in the morning.
❤️
- S
