Choose Not-Suffering When You Can

"But, but...I can't possibly just be happy ALL the time."

Don't worry — you won't be! That's the point. 😂

Life will bring you plenty of suffering. It will come in the form of loss, love, death, pain, relationships, illness, change, and more.

There will be enough mandatory suffering that you won't need to create more by exercising options that don't bring you joy.

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For all the things you MUST do, there are also options.

The options in question might be large or small — which scented candle you burn, or who you choose to marry. Which shoes you wear, or how you orient your career trajectory. Which thoughts you entertain, or how you relate with other people.

You are currently exercising some of your options blindly and/or based on other people's expectations (as you perceive them). We all are.

There are three important considerations here:

a) we might be wrong about the expectations (this is likely),

b) we don't have to make other people happy unless we want to

and

c) we can choose differently.

How many things do you do that you don't want to do? Which of those are necessary for your continued existence?

Suggestion: keep the necessaries and drop the rest.

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EXERCISE:

1) Write a list of things in your life that don't feel great to you.

2) Brainstorm ways these things COULD feel great to you — no limitations, get super creative. The point is to imagine the best options conceivable (not merely what you think is possible for you).

3) If you see any immediate actions you can take to increase joy, that's great. If you can't, that's also great — re-orienting your mind in these ways is enough for things to start changing within and around you.

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You have options, probably more than you realize. I hope you examine them for yourself, and choose those that bring you joy — or at least less suffering — wherever you can.

❤️
- S